Limping, but not losing
As the year winds down and as I look back at the last couple months, I can't say it's been easy. I can't say I've had the best of fortune and I can't say it's all gone smoothly.
To start, in early October I woke up in the middle of the night with kidney stones for the second time in my life and as if that wasn't bad enough, I had to give up the Rangers playoff tickets I had planned on using the next day (they lost anyways so maybe it wasn't that bad). This has only grown the fear in my life as every time I get slight back pain, I know that another attack is possible.
As November came around, I was blessed with the wonderful opportunity to cover the Oklahoma football team for their game in Lawrence, Kansas for The Oklahoma Daily. That entire experience was a blast but on the way home, my car was totaled after rolling twice and flipping once to avoid hitting a deer. I came away with just a couple of gashes in my head, but it was the second time in my life that I had experienced an accident like that and as if the emotional trauma that I endured and endure from that wasn't bad enough, I've now gone 36 days and counting without a car after Juliet's (my car) life came to an end.
This was strange. It was a crazy series of events but it all felt surreal and like I was just dreaming of the first time it happened to me. But nevertheless, it did and everyone involved has made massive strives towards recovery — especially my Joe, who was driving my car.
Two weekends later, I left my apartment keys in Waco after covering Oklahoma's game against Baylor and I didn't get those keys back until last Thursday.
While the wreck itself seems far more intrusive to the flow of my life than not having a car or apartment keys, I've found myself in fits of annoyance and frustration at my lack of control of my life — having to rely on others for rides and having to coordinate with my roommate to make sure we would have access into the apartment with just one key between us.
But amidst all of that, I'm still here.
Final projects are doing their absolute best to drag me down, exhaust me and make me a callous person — but I won't submit to that temptation.
I can't.
Time and time again, God hasn't been afraid to show me that I'm not in control. He's taken things from me and sent me into trials not because He's a vengeful God trying to get back at me for my transgressions, but because He knows that in doing so, I'm becoming a better follower of His.
I won't begin to claim that my life has been any more tough than anyone else's — it hasn't — but I do recognize that it hasn't always come easy and I'm thankful for that.
I strongly understand the role that misfortune plays in our lives and the idea that God will throw us into the fire to ensure that we remain true and faithful to him like He is for us.
I can't tell you that I haven't gotten sad, upset and scared that I've come very close to dying twice in my life, but what I can tell you is that I've never once questioned God's hand in all of that.
For whoever's reading this, I don't know your situation. I don't know what you believe in or if you believe in anything in all, but what I can tell you is that there is a plan that is specifically designed for you and if you're willing, there's also a savior that's ready and willing to take hold of your life and lead you to safe pasture like He's done in my life time and time again.